Why

So there is this guy who has been in my life for a few years now, really in and out like no one else before. I keep giving him chances that he doesn't deserve. Why do I keep letting him do this to me. I am not feeling desperate or maybe i am that desperate to be loved. I keep thinking he is serious this time and everytime he lets me down. I keep saying I am sick of being hurt but I keep letting it happen again and again.

I am less disappointed in him and more in myself for being so weak and allowing him to do this to me. Maybe my therapist is right, how can I date when I still don't know who I am outside of being Connor's mother. I am more then that but haven't allowed that to be since I was pregnant.

I have realized so much of my thinking is a carry over from the "skating days" and doesn't work for me anymore. I have been living in an all or nothing world that has lead me to the desperate and the unrelieable.

It is time for me and I am going to stop dating for awhile until I figure out me better. I guess I am dating..ME! lol....So he should have been here by now and of course no sign or call or text from him. Why am I surprised? I had to get that off my chest, before trying to sleep. I don't want to dream about him so this is it. I am done!