this and that

I have been going through pictures lately with the move to Texas hopefully coming soon. Grayson might be tiny but he has figured out the Jonny Jump up and his play center.

He has discovered his voice this week and is not shy about using it. Even a few screams escaped to his big brother's dismay, he made sure to tell Grayson screaming is not allowed in our house, lol. It was so cute and watching those two together changes any bad day or sour mood I am in instantly. They get along so well, Connor is gentle and sensitive with Grayson, always worried when he cries and tries to make sure he is comfortable and happy. Connor will be a great boyfriend, husband and father one day in the far off future lol.

long time

It has been quiet some time since I have had time to record any thoughts here. Grayson is nearly four months now and Connor is five and a half. Next month Connor starts all day Kindergarden at Adams, Grayson is starting to cut teeth already. I am back finally with the love of my life, the man who completes me. We have a past that seperated us for a little while but we are fighting hard to make things right and be where we want to be. Which means for me and the boys a move to Texas that should have happened over a year ago when he first asked us to. But should have's are lies we tell ourselves to feel better about decisions we made in our past. Anyway, I am close to a new job in Amarillo and the move should happen before winter.
Lately I have been struggling with the whole comparing my children to others. Grayson is so tiny and not able to fit in his exercise center like others his age. Connor is doing well and so ready for school and football, he is the most excited to move and have a daddy as he alreadys calls him. Grayson's peditrician is not concerned about his size, I made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding and switched to formula to help him gain some much needed weight and length. But he is still only 10-11 pounds and 22 inches, size one diapers are big on him and 0-3 clothes are as well. I feel like he is behind and I feel like it is my fault, terrible I know.
But otherwise we are doing well, keeping busy with work and going to the gym. I after two children have a body I worked so hard for before having them. lol. Life is good and I am staying positive about what the future holds for us. A great adventure is ahead of us that shows promise.

Welcome Grayson James

April 12th at 12:13pm Grayson James joined this world! He was a little guy at 7lbs and 13oz, 19 inches long. Recovery has been going exceptionally well, by Friday after the C-Section I was taking Connor to school and running some errands. I am breastfeeding Grayson until the doctors and I deam it necessary to switch to formula. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and depression, and have been off all my medications because of the pregnancy and will stay off them until I discontinue breastfeeding. So feeding into the anxiety of adjusting to a second child, decreased income, helping Connor adjust to not being the only child anymore, and my depression is the pull between nursing and not nursing. basically doing what is best for my child or for me. A decision I am struggling with and am not too proud to let everyone know I am not perfect or supermom.
So Grayson James has made life even brighter and we all love him so much already. I am enjoying getting to know him and how he is drastically different from his big brother. Speaking of Big Brother, he absolutly adores his baby, and does everything he can to help. Yes, we have had our awkard moment with breastfeeding where he tried to help his brother nurse...lol.
Not sure how often I will find time to post on here but I will do my best but Facebook is quick and where I keep updated pictures.
Gman is starting to stir and will be ready to eat, and big bro has picked out his night time book. So back to Mommy duties and maybe a few hours of sleep and a few bites to eat soon.

37 Week Check up

Doc. says everything looks great. Your heart rate was sitting around 130, slowing down a bit considering you have run out of room to be as energitic as before. You are getting the hiccups as often as your big brother did, still makes me giggle. Mommy lost the two and half pounds I gained last week, so your Bubbe stuffed me full of a great meal on Friday after your big brother's very first Eye Exam. Still looking like you are going to be stubborn and wait for the scheduled C-Section date of April 12th at noon to make your appearance. Just like your brother, you wont leave comfort until we force you to, lol. This weekend it snowed so Saturday we are staying in cleaning house, chilling and getting the final touches done for your arrival. Sunday is the baby shower for you, Mommy and Connor are so excited to see everyone and eat all the wonderful food your Bubbe is making for us! Best Kosher caterer in town, that's your Bubbe. We are having cute baby boy balloons as decorations and clothes for everyone to decorate for you to wear.

Exciting News

Mommy just got a call from your G-dmother, Aunt Jess. She is going to have her baby girl tomorrow, she is being induced tonight and was on her way to the hospital. I am so excited for them, they are your Mommy's best and closest friends. They have tried for years and so hard to have a baby and soon their dream will be realized. I wish I could be there in New Orleans to see their faces when they first see their precious blessing. You will know Zoe after all you will be less then a month apart in age. We joke you two will marry some day and we will be able to call each other in laws...So we are saying prayers tonight for them and tomorrow's entry will update you on your development and if baby Zoe is here.

34 Weeks

Well lil bit we have about 43 days until you join us out here away from the warmth and safety of Mommy's tummy. Your big brother is so excited for you to "be out here with us", he told me this morning while we were eating breakfast and watching cartoons he told me how ready he is to see your face and so is Mommy.
Last week we saw our doctor where we found out Mommy didnt gain any weight in the last two weeks, although I am making a great effort to gain,lol. You have Mommy's tummy measuring 33 for at that time 33 weeks, 144 beats per minute. Nice and strong, you are growing well and doc isnt worried bout you, says we are on target for an April 12th delivery.
Last night Mommy went out for the first time since being Designated Driver on New Years Eve. It was Aunt Candace and her twin's birthday (the big 30!), so we had a great time everyone was fawing all over you in my belly and all are so excited to meet you. Next is the baby shower which please wait to come until after the 21st of March, which is when you Godmother is due to have her baby girl! See, I have a feeling you are going to come early since I was having minor contractions yesterday. (Braxton Hicks)

7th Month Check up

This afternoon Grayson and I had an appointment with our OB. Barely made it there and thank goodness were only eight minutes late after all the running around stress at work to get out urgent FAA items but anyway, we made it with no time to spare and got to sit down for literally two minutes before it was our name being called.
I gained three pounds this month, bringing total weight gain to seven pounds about a pound a month! All tests including blood pressure surprisingly enough. Work has been absolutly crazy its like everyone is realizing "that time" is coming quickly so all this work is being giving to me to get done before I "leave" keeping me swamped and stressed out.
You are head down and growing perfect (Doctor's words) lol...We are on track for an April 12th birthday. A day all your own, see Mommy's good friend's birthday is the 4th then Connor's half-sister's birthday is the 14th and "Uncle Jason" is the 16th followed with Mommy's on the 22nd and Connor's Cousin Rachel's on the 28th...so Mommy wants you to have your own day to celebrate your birthday!!!!
We start seeing doc every two weeks which means you are close to joining us out here. We are so excited to meet you finally and see who has been making my belly dance :)