October

So it has been a long while since I wrote here...life has been well crazy to say the least! It started around June, my son's father came to me asking for a place to crash and get back on his feet. See he wasnt welcome anymore at his parents or ex girlfriends house and his sister wasnt about to let him stay with them...and me being so nice I agreed for a few months it would be fine and let him stay on my couch. then all of a sudden in mid July another friend showed up on my door step looking for a place to stay and I said yes for the weekend...then I couldnt get either of them out once I noticed cash and valuables disappearing that I had hidden away.
Finally August 24th I very forcefully told them to get out and went to the police and filed reports for all the missing items and money. Told them I was asking a police officer to escort me home and make sure it was safe for me and my son to be there. of course they bounced before the cop could escort me home...had a neighbor watching my place to let me know if they left...after a trip to walmart to get new locks we went home and cleaned the house of all their stuff and washed our hands of the creeps.
Now we are into September and I am recovering financialy from the theft and forgery of my checks and a closed bank account and all that goes along with Identity theft. My neighbor and I were talking about babies and how we miss our boys being little babies. I made a comment about not having my period and how it wasnt really unusal. Two weeks later we were once again joking about it and I mentioned my weird episode of being sick after only two pieces of pizza and how it was happening more often. She had one pregnancy test left and gave it to me, I was like I dont need it. She dared me to take it and so before going to bed that night I got it all ready to take in the morning. I couldnt sleep that night at least not really well, so I finally got out of bed around 3:30am and went to the bathroom and was like well it is sitting there I might as well take it now!
So here I am a Thursday morning four and a half hours before work and peed on the stick....stared numbly at the plus sign that immediatly showed up and the second line appeared too! It took atleast five minutes for me to get up and realize what that plus meant....neighbor got about 50 texts at 3:45 in the morning! Got into my family doctor to confirm the stick and she bubbly shot into my room with prenatals, she has been wanting me to have another one for year.

So this takes us into October now...

On the first I finally had my OB appointment and told doc who is a close family friend I needed proof I was indeed pregnant. See I never really though I would have another child and still be unmarried and all...indeed I am not only pregnant but was nearly 13 weeks along. Meaning I have been pregnant since July! Craziness I know...Connor is absolutly thrilled and went to see the baby with me and mom...that baby moved around so much more then Connor did at that gustation.
So I am due a week before my thirth birthday! Still a little in shock honestly that this time next year I will be a mother of TWO children! I only thought I was busy before...oh wow....
So I am excited for this journey and up for it all. I am strong and not going to waver in this. I am going to enjoy this pregnancy no matter what. I have been told I have that glow...

Second Baby

So I just found out I am expecting my second baby, which will be here after my son turns five. I am starting to show a whole lot earlier this time around. I am waiting on my family doctor to complete the referal so I can get into my OB asap to confirm a due date and how far along I am. My family doctor thinks I am as far as nine weeks putting due date in the beginning of April end of March. I am thinking I am more like six weeks along.
But Jerome and I are excited to be welcoming a new one into our family. Jerome and I have been dating for the last two years more on and off but we have been together more lately. We have each brought up marriage over the last year and we have looked at rings. Connor calls him Dad and is so excited to be a big brother. Already he is touching my tummy and worrying about the baby. He is convinced we are having a boy again. I am torn between finding out what sex the baby is and having it be a surprise again. Thank goodness I have Jerome around this time to help make those decisions! It is going to be a totally different experience this time around having the father there with me. Now he wont be able to make the doctors visits because of his work schedule and school but I know he would much rather be there then not.
I am truly going to enjoy the entire pregnancy this time around although I did enjoy being pregnant with Connor. I have someone else to help with names and make other decisions. I will post pictures every month of the progress and will be keeping a journal for the baby as much as time allows that is. I started one with Connor when I first found out I was pregnant and then got involved in school and work so that was forgotten about. Hopefully I will do better this time...

Update

So I havent had time to post on here in a long time. Life has been busy to say the least. Everytime I turn around something else is happening that limits my time. So where to begin? Beginning of June is a good place to start...my boyfriend and I have been talking about him moving in with me and Connor. Slowly but surely he has been moving bits and pieces into my place, then there was a pregnancy scare thrown in there. Then I get a phone call from Connor's father, Mack. He was needing a place to stay not wanting to allow the negative cycle to repeat by moving into his familys place. After much debate with myself I allowed him to crash on my couch. Knowing it will be a few months of discomfort finacially and personal space wise. It was the best thing for him and would be okay for Connor being able to see his father every day finally.
What I didnt realize was that he was a built in babysitter and allow me to work more as well. So once again balancing a social life and being a mother. Top things off with my starter on my car rapidly going out, another reason to have Mack around. he fixes that kind of stuff.
Oh yeah then there is Ryan who is a sweatheart and in my life and always supportive and helpful when it comes to my finacial life. he is a great guy
Well that is all the time I have for now to catch everyone up on my goings on...the dryer just stopped and lil man needs to be moved out of my bed into his own

April 20-Sunday 26

Last week was about the busiest week we have had in a long time. Everyday we seemed to have something to do after work. Monday we went to my parents house for dinner then Connor and Bubbe went to a puppet show at Derby High School while I went to work out. Tuesday was dinner with a friend of mine to celebrate my birthday and a stop at the mall. Wednesday was the big 29 birthday and family dinner at Texas Road House. Thursday was a play date with my good friend from high school and her little boy not much younger then Connor. We had great adult, mother to mother and woman to woman talk. We both needed that time! Friday I had my son's sister spend the night and a new friend came over early Saturday morning. We had a great time talking until eight in the morning. Saturday was soccer and Connor's Cousin's birthday BBQ. Later that evening my friend came over again and spent Saturday night with me. He even convinced me into going bowling with him. SO we went cosmic bowling and I totally suprised myself! I haven't picked up a ball in four years or so, I was competitive in my bowling and hadn't bowled for fun. I had a great time with KJ and he made me relax and just have fun. I rolled a 168, 213, 211, 154, and 183...crazy awesome time...a great way to celebrate my birthday. Totally not the way I expected to celebrate the big 29, but I loved it.

Hopefully there is something there with KJ, we have a lot in common and understand one another on a level that no one has ever gotten me before. I don't have to explain my situation with my baby daddy because he has the same situation with his baby mama.

Sunday was another fun filled day the end the week I took Connor fishing for the first time with a friend of mine Ryan. We caught a few twigs and had more fun getting the worms. Below are a few soccer pictures and the fishing trip pictures...totally forgot my camera so we only had the phone camera to use but they came out not so bad.

Ready to be me

Since childhood I always felt like I wasn't quiet good enough for anything good that came my way or that I worked hard for. That is finally gone. Since I became a mother I have realized a strength in me that I never allowed to shine, I have accomplished things I never imagined possible. Until now I have not allowed myself to see, accept or pat my self on the back for all that I have truly accomplished and who I have grown to be. I am truly one kick ass chick in every aspect of the word. I have come to realize that those men who have come and gone through my life only deposited small truths in my soul. I use to think it was that there was something wrong with me that made them leave and in the end there is blame on both people shoulders to bare the end of a relationship but it also means it wasn't me who had the problems it was them and recently I have realized no matter how much I like the guy and can see a future with him it isn't me who didn't quiet measure up it was him. I am a smart woman who is doing great at work, who has made herself invaluable to the manager and director she works for, who accomplished all objectives set forth for her in a timely manner and usually way before deadlines. I am focused and driven to always put my best foot forward, always challanging myself to find better ways to do what I do. If I impress myself then I know others will be in awe because of how critical I am of my work. My social life is balanced with being a single mother of a beautiful son who is my world. I work hard to have a reasonably decent body and am proud of my womanly figure and accept that I will never be a super model or a model for that matter nor do I want that it is more difficult then some might realize. I strive to keep an open mind and give everyone a chance once. I love to smile and laugh, my favoriate part of my body are my eyes. I am a sports nut and am always at home in a sports bar. I like to keep my son active and living healthy, supporting him in everything he tries and encourage him in everything he doesn't excel at. I love my life and the lack of a man in it doesn't lessen the feeling of success I feel. I have learned a relationship doesn't cement your worth as a woman only you can do that. Having a man and a relationship means another thing to balance, nature and cultivate. My focus use to be on getting a man until I realized how much of an incredable woman I already am and trust the right man will come into my life at the right time if I am open and ready to receive him. So you have now met the real true me, I have unzipped the costume that was protecting the precious golden me. If you like it great, if not that is not my problem!

Easter/Passover

Sunday was a busy day for Connor and myself. We started the day at my parents house helping Eryn go through her boxes of stuff getting ready for her hopeful move to Kansas City. After lunch we headed home to get a few chores done and a nap in for Connor. After being home for a matter of half an hour we received a call that it was time to get to The Jenkins' house for Easter Egg Hunt...we spent the rest of the afternoon with the Jenkins enjoying the soul food and a movie we headed to my parents house for a passover Sader (last supper). A second big meal with more great food. It made for a long day and evening, by the time we got home with all the leftovers both of us crashed and were out cold quickly.
This exposing connor to both religions is more difficult then I expected but I am doing it for him and that is what is important. He loved his Sunday and to watch him have fun with his sister and cousins was heartwarming and then his interaction with my family is comforting.

New Found Confidence

Life has been busy lately with work and family. I did something last Saturday that I never thought I would do. But some background first, I have a close friend who is a great photographer, published and all. We have known eachother for about seven years now and ever since the first time we met he has wanted me in front of his camera. I have always thought he was crazy!

See I have always been so self-conscience about how I look and NEVER have liked how I look in pictures. For seven or so years now I have been asked to do a photo shoot and I always said no that I wasn't happy with how my body looked that when I was more happy with it I would do the pictures. It became new years resolutions and never happened.

Not that I am any more pleased with my body now then before its that I am more accepting of myself and my body now. I love it for all that I am and all it has become. This body brought a healthy baby boy into this world and sustained it for the first six months of life. I finally gave in and when it was suggested again to do the shoot. I could not believe I was going through with it but I was determined to show myself I could do it since I have conquered so many other fears pictures should be a piece of cake.

In the end I had a blast and realized it isn't easy or comfortable to be infront of the camera. But promised to do a few more shoots before I decide it isn't for me. So below are the three great shots we got, the photographer said that many first timers don't even get one picture that is presentable. So I feel great about it and the new found confidence is wearing quiet nicely. I can already tell how it has carried into other aspects of my life and I am in love with it.