Grayson had a great first birthday! We went to my parents where he received multiple loud toys to throw and walk behind/ride, and big brother received a "me too" gift of a couple toy motorcycles. We had a wonderful home cooked dinner with cornish game hens, torilla soup, salad steamed veggies and fruit for dessert while Grayson had a homemade red velvet with chocolate frosting cake for dessert. It was literally from head to toe and in ears, up nose and down the diaper. lmao it was so freaking cute.
His father sent a letter wishing him happy birthday and how next year he hopes to be with mommy and that we can celebrate as a family. At this point I am not sure if that will be a reality, he still has about three months until he gets out of prison for his two counts of Forgery and Opiates charges that he plead no contest to in 2009, but never followed his probation. So in February he turned himself in and choose to do a solid four months in prison over a year of probation in hopes of finding favor in my heart as he said. Its a long history we have and times have been dark some because of his drug use and what it caused him to do. He has promised that he is done with the streets and that I need to give him a chance at proving to me that he is for real. He says he loves me and is pleased that Grayson turned out to be his, that he is a perfect symbol of how our hearts are one. blah blah blah
I dont know how much to believe if any of it. I want to believe he loves me as I do truly love him but the drugs ruined a lot of the trust I have in him, and wonder if his want to be home with me and the boys is stronger than the pull of the streets and easy money. He has a few job opportunities already lined up for when he gets home which he thinks is going to be my house. I have yet to agree to that.
Well enough about my jailbird boyfriend and baby daddy time to get to work since I am wasting time in the office.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
long time no post
So it has been a long time since I have been able to find the time to sit down and update this blog as often as I had planned since starting years ago when I had just Connor. But anyway, today Grayson James turns one year old, boy does time fly! It was just yesterday that I was loading up my Bonneville full of stuff for the stay at my parents house after haivng the baby and anxious to get checked in at the hospital. Afterall, I had everything planned down to the very minute that Grayson was going to be born. I scheduled the C-section after having an emergency one with Connor in 2004, had to give Grayson his own day since the first week there is one good friend that has her birthday, then on the 14th is Connor's sister's birthday along with another close friend of mine's and the 16th is Uncle Jason's birthday, the 22nd is my birthday and the 28th is Cousin Rachael's birthday. So the 12th was good and I didn't want to wait much longer than that even though I was showing no signs of going into labor once again with due date being the 14th.
So at noon they started the insision and by 12:13pm Grayson James Gollin was born 7lbs. 13oz 19 inches long, completely healthy. I was up walking five hours later and day and a half later at my parents house with my eldest being a spoiled mommy for a few days before returning to reality of having a pre-schooler and a new born all by myself morning, noon and night. It was an extreme difference between the two boys, Connor from day one slept no less than seven hours a night and Grayson slept no more than two. lol
Quickly got adjusted and here we are a year later :) he is now 19 lbs and 28 inches long and in 6-9 month clothes and a few one year items. Fits perfectly in his infant carrier but is starting to walk about four steps is all we get before plopping down. He just cut his top two teeth at once last week and has had his bottom ones for about five months now.
Connor Mason is the greatest and most caring big brother, he is quick to protect and teach his little brother. I most often have to race him to the crying baby in order to be the one comforting Grayson after a spill or a tantrum. Connor has taught Grayson how to throw a ball and stand up while has helped with the walking a bit. He is always reading to him and lecturing him in the car about saying "adult words" aka naughty words in songs when they pop up or when mommy lets one slip while driving in traffic. Telling him about his day in school and how he is going to love making new homies at school and how they will have special handshakes themselves when he gets big enough lol...always he makes me smile with how compassionate he is toward his brother.
Well one major thing that did happen in the first year of Grayson's life...I came clean to my family and friends with who his biological father really was. Kevin James Brooks Jr. is Grayson's father while Mack Jenkins Jr is Connor's father. Long story as to why this is a big deal but lets leave it with my mother nearly drove off the road when I told her while she was driving me home after picking me up from work after my Bonneville was stolen later found out it was Grayson's father who had it after copying a key. And my little sister pretends she never was told. My father just doesn't comment on the matter and we go about life as if it didn't matter they have fathers. They dont pay child support and Connor's father ruined his relationship with his son back in 2009 after breaking promises and stealing everything I owned including food, it damaged Connor's image of him and I cannot fix that only time and healing can. As far as Grayson's dad he is around at times and we have settled the whole stolen car thing while I bought a new Trailblazer and sold the Bonneville in the end. He sees his son when he is able to but no financial support is given as to why the boys both have my last name. Neither father is on the birth certificates, not unknown or anything just blank. You earn the right to be called father and in one case the court decleared it and that other he owned up to it but when you are not acting like a grown man how can you behave how a father should and be there for your children when you are running the streets so they most stay away and let me do my job that I love and would not trade for the world. Mommy to those boys is the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade being a single mother for anything in the world. It isn't easy but I would have never known how strong I am and what I am truly capable of if it werent for having those two boys to raise on my own. Emotionally I have my family and friends support but all rest falls on my shoulders and I am standing tall.
Okay so now that I have vented and gotten alot off my chest I feel tons better. I promise to do better keeping this up to date and eventually more pictures but I put most everything on Facebook anyway. lol
So at noon they started the insision and by 12:13pm Grayson James Gollin was born 7lbs. 13oz 19 inches long, completely healthy. I was up walking five hours later and day and a half later at my parents house with my eldest being a spoiled mommy for a few days before returning to reality of having a pre-schooler and a new born all by myself morning, noon and night. It was an extreme difference between the two boys, Connor from day one slept no less than seven hours a night and Grayson slept no more than two. lol
Quickly got adjusted and here we are a year later :) he is now 19 lbs and 28 inches long and in 6-9 month clothes and a few one year items. Fits perfectly in his infant carrier but is starting to walk about four steps is all we get before plopping down. He just cut his top two teeth at once last week and has had his bottom ones for about five months now.
Connor Mason is the greatest and most caring big brother, he is quick to protect and teach his little brother. I most often have to race him to the crying baby in order to be the one comforting Grayson after a spill or a tantrum. Connor has taught Grayson how to throw a ball and stand up while has helped with the walking a bit. He is always reading to him and lecturing him in the car about saying "adult words" aka naughty words in songs when they pop up or when mommy lets one slip while driving in traffic. Telling him about his day in school and how he is going to love making new homies at school and how they will have special handshakes themselves when he gets big enough lol...always he makes me smile with how compassionate he is toward his brother.
Well one major thing that did happen in the first year of Grayson's life...I came clean to my family and friends with who his biological father really was. Kevin James Brooks Jr. is Grayson's father while Mack Jenkins Jr is Connor's father. Long story as to why this is a big deal but lets leave it with my mother nearly drove off the road when I told her while she was driving me home after picking me up from work after my Bonneville was stolen later found out it was Grayson's father who had it after copying a key. And my little sister pretends she never was told. My father just doesn't comment on the matter and we go about life as if it didn't matter they have fathers. They dont pay child support and Connor's father ruined his relationship with his son back in 2009 after breaking promises and stealing everything I owned including food, it damaged Connor's image of him and I cannot fix that only time and healing can. As far as Grayson's dad he is around at times and we have settled the whole stolen car thing while I bought a new Trailblazer and sold the Bonneville in the end. He sees his son when he is able to but no financial support is given as to why the boys both have my last name. Neither father is on the birth certificates, not unknown or anything just blank. You earn the right to be called father and in one case the court decleared it and that other he owned up to it but when you are not acting like a grown man how can you behave how a father should and be there for your children when you are running the streets so they most stay away and let me do my job that I love and would not trade for the world. Mommy to those boys is the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade being a single mother for anything in the world. It isn't easy but I would have never known how strong I am and what I am truly capable of if it werent for having those two boys to raise on my own. Emotionally I have my family and friends support but all rest falls on my shoulders and I am standing tall.
Okay so now that I have vented and gotten alot off my chest I feel tons better. I promise to do better keeping this up to date and eventually more pictures but I put most everything on Facebook anyway. lol
Monday, December 6, 2010
Hanukkah and Catch Up
Well, it has been some time since I posted last. Life has been busy with Thanksgiving and Hanuakkah so close together this year left little time for much of anything else but family time. Not that I am complaining by any means. Grayson enjoyed his first Thanksgiving, didn't get any pictures. I spent more time just enjoying the moments and forgetting about technology for a while.
Hanuakkah we have a family tradition of doing a large meal together as close to the first night as possible where we give the kids and family all their gifts at night and other nights we over the phone light the candles together. Grayson was testing out his toys before we even got home...
Connor got some great gifts this year, from books to wrestling figures and old fashion games...
Hanuakkah we have a family tradition of doing a large meal together as close to the first night as possible where we give the kids and family all their gifts at night and other nights we over the phone light the candles together. Grayson was testing out his toys before we even got home...
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Seven Months
Grayson James aka McSmiles Alot, is seven months old and is still tiny. Monday he weighted just 15 pounds and measured 25 inches, so he has grown one inch and one pound in a month. I am a little amazed that he has remained so tiny, when he eats no less than eight oz in a bottle and three jars of baby food in one sitting. A dinner, a vegatable and a fruit then will eat a full bottle not even two hours later before bed time. At least it is getting him through the night and a solid 8-12 hours of sleep. Since he is able to sit up on his own and is holding his bottle more and more the doctor suggested we try a "trainer cup", so I went out and got one for the house and for the daycare sitter. He has not quite figured it out yet, but loves chomping on it.
Grayson James you are getting so big and engaged in the world around you. You could sit for hours and watch your big brother and how he loves to play with you and take care of you. I pray you two have a great relationship as you both grow up and I feel blessed to be your mother. I could never imagine life without you or your brother, both of you make life fun and keep me on my toes every day.
Love you always and forever
Your Devoted Mommy
Monday, November 1, 2010
Halloween :)
Halloween weekend was a blast but exhausting for an old lady like me (lol). It’s a family tradition to walk the neighborhood that my parents still live in. To see my kids trick or treating the same houses my little sister and I did is heartwarming. This year it was the whole Gollin clan that went, Grandma and Grandpa, the kids and the grandkids. Without planning it our theme seemed to be yellow. We had Connor the Yellow Ninja (Grandma made the costume), Grayson the Yellow Banana (who slept most of the time) and Bug the Yellow Submarine (my sister’s little dog). We braved the chill this year and walked the same route as the four years before with just Connor. We were only out about an hour and Connor got a good amount of candy. He sat in the Great Room where his mother and aunt use to, to sort out his loot and share some with the adults.
Saturday was Connor’s first costume party and he had a blast, then we put the kids to bed and had some adult time. Talking about the old days before kids and all the crap we would do it is amazing we are not in jail or dead with some of the risks we took. There was so much laughing and near rolling on the floor that I was sore Sunday.
Saturday was Connor’s first costume party and he had a blast, then we put the kids to bed and had some adult time. Talking about the old days before kids and all the crap we would do it is amazing we are not in jail or dead with some of the risks we took. There was so much laughing and near rolling on the floor that I was sore Sunday.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Doctor Visit
Last Monday the boys had an appointment to get their flu shots and Grayson had his six month boosters as well. Poor little boy had four shots that day but he was a trooper. He now weighs 14 pounds and is 25 inches long..yes he is a little one but he eats so much that his new nickname is pigglet. But I digress, while we were waiting on the nurses to get it together enough to get the shots done I was able to capture this interaction between the boys...
Morning Play Time
While I was making breakfast this weekend I caught the boys playing together. Connor said he was helping Grayson play with his entertainment center. It warms my heart seeing them interact together.
Monday, October 4, 2010
six months
Next Tuesday Grayson James will be six months old! Time just flies by way too fast :( This weekend was his first experience at Greater Andover Days, we have made it a tradition to watch the parade with a close childhood friend of mine, her children and extended family. Connors and Blakers had a blast together waiting for and watching the parade. Connor was being so sweet, when candy was thrown he made sure every young child that was with us got a piece of the thrown candy.
All prepared for the action, it was chilly with the strong wind blowing and early on a Saturday morning.
Candace and Grayson (she can't wait to get her hands on him everytime she sees him lol)
Connors and Blakers waiting for the parade to start
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sitting up
Last night lil man did not want to sleep until midnight. So we had some good Grayson and Mommy time wherein he spent sometime practicing sitting up on his own. I am so proud and sad that my baby is growing so fast. Although he is still a little guy, that sleeper is a 3-6 month size and it is huge on him. I can't buy him any jeans because he can't keep them up around his waist.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Play time
Grayson just loves being in his Jonny Jump Up and his "entertainment center" I just had to capture some pictures of how much he has grown from his first time in the toys.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sun Glasses
After Connor's friends birthday party Sun Glasses were given out, they are on the small side so Connor grabbed a pair for his brother and put them on him. We all died laughing cause Grayson acted like nothing was on his face. So I whipped out the camera and caught a few pictures...
Personalize Creations
So at Grayson's baby shower all the guests decorated onezies for him. "Aunt Kelly" is incrediably talented and trying to convince her to start a small business selling her personalize creations. This is the first one of her onezies that Grayson fits into. Itsn't it just the cutest?! Can't believe how big my little boy is getting finally, lol. He is fitting in his activity center and Jonny Jump up much better and loves spending time being a bit independant.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A night at Auntie's
The boys spent the night at Auntie's where she was able to get a few pictures...they always have such a great time with her.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Amazed
I am amazed at how some of those moms I know have time to blog every important event in their families' lives. I am only working and taking care of two kids and hardly have time to blog about how my eldest is about to loose his front two bottom teeth and already has a permanent coming in. How my baby is getting ready to crawl already! Let alone take bunches of pictures and post them. I am envious of those other mommys and wish I could better time manage to keep my blog updated better.
My hat is off to those mommys!
My hat is off to those mommys!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
blogging
I am so bad about doing this blogging thing and honestly doubt anyone follows this but it gives me something to so my kids when they get older.
Connor started Kindergarten last week and has already sadly been labled the class clown who is so smart but has trouble listening. I am raising a brat and it is time for some changes, that he of course is so resistant to. He blames all the changes on the man in my life, but we all know better, he is just upset that he isnt in control anymore.
Today I call the teacher and set up an after school conference about sending home some extra "homework" to keep Connor learning outside of school and busy enough to stay out of trouble in and out of class. He truly is bright but I know he is from my gene pool meaning he has my mouth and attitude with his father's sassy confident self assurance. This all adds up to a mature mouthed sassy child and equals trouble!!!!
Grayson is chowing down on baby food now. He loves bananas, applesauce, and pears; each time he eats it is a full jar that he eats within ten minutes of getting the bib on. I have to hold his hand because I can't seem to feed him fast enough and those fingers go in his mouth. lol
Still haven't heard anything from Bell Helicopter but they have sent my resume along to management means it is out of recruitment hands. Hoping and reasonably waiting to hear something back by October latest December time frame. I am realizing that the move to Texas will take some time but that is the way it is suppose to be to make sure it is really what I want. With no question Manly is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but that wont happen until I can get my kid under control. So it is a good thing we arent leaving yet.
I will post some pictures in the next week or so.
Connor started Kindergarten last week and has already sadly been labled the class clown who is so smart but has trouble listening. I am raising a brat and it is time for some changes, that he of course is so resistant to. He blames all the changes on the man in my life, but we all know better, he is just upset that he isnt in control anymore.
Today I call the teacher and set up an after school conference about sending home some extra "homework" to keep Connor learning outside of school and busy enough to stay out of trouble in and out of class. He truly is bright but I know he is from my gene pool meaning he has my mouth and attitude with his father's sassy confident self assurance. This all adds up to a mature mouthed sassy child and equals trouble!!!!
Grayson is chowing down on baby food now. He loves bananas, applesauce, and pears; each time he eats it is a full jar that he eats within ten minutes of getting the bib on. I have to hold his hand because I can't seem to feed him fast enough and those fingers go in his mouth. lol
Still haven't heard anything from Bell Helicopter but they have sent my resume along to management means it is out of recruitment hands. Hoping and reasonably waiting to hear something back by October latest December time frame. I am realizing that the move to Texas will take some time but that is the way it is suppose to be to make sure it is really what I want. With no question Manly is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but that wont happen until I can get my kid under control. So it is a good thing we arent leaving yet.
I will post some pictures in the next week or so.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Family Day
Saturday afternoon, my parents and sister had a poker run that ended with one last picnic at Beech Lake Park shelter. That is right Beech Lake was sold and will no long be a private park and most likely will no longer be a park at all :(
The boys and I met them up there to enjoy one last memory of the boys playing at the park I grew up playing on as a child with my friends. Pig in and Pig out fed us and Mom made the wonderful desserts, after some showing off of buring rubber and fancy things on their bikes it was time to cool of with some water balloons and time to clean up. Amazingly enough we were home at a decent time and in bed at an even better time.
I love watching my sister with the baby and being so motherly to Connor. It was good seeing mom back on the bike and found out they are going to Stirgaus this year. I have some cool parents lol.
Not much to write about this weekend, it was chill and non eventful really. I love having the cable off, Connor actually wants to spend time with me coloring and reading his many books. When we get to Texas I need to get him and Grayson a full size bookshelf for all their books. I have a house that will pass the white glove test now and got some nap time in with Grayson as well.
The boys and I met them up there to enjoy one last memory of the boys playing at the park I grew up playing on as a child with my friends. Pig in and Pig out fed us and Mom made the wonderful desserts, after some showing off of buring rubber and fancy things on their bikes it was time to cool of with some water balloons and time to clean up. Amazingly enough we were home at a decent time and in bed at an even better time.
I love watching my sister with the baby and being so motherly to Connor. It was good seeing mom back on the bike and found out they are going to Stirgaus this year. I have some cool parents lol.
Not much to write about this weekend, it was chill and non eventful really. I love having the cable off, Connor actually wants to spend time with me coloring and reading his many books. When we get to Texas I need to get him and Grayson a full size bookshelf for all their books. I have a house that will pass the white glove test now and got some nap time in with Grayson as well.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Four months
Tomorrow Grayson gets his four month shots and Connor has his Kindergarten physical. They are growing up so fast, Grayson is finally gainging some weight and fitting into 0-3 clothes, no new born diapers or clothes now :)
We are on month number two waiting to hear back from Bell Helicopter on a possible interview and job. they are still screening my resume to find the best fitting position so no news is a good sign so far. My love and I are saying our prayers that our plans work out but remaining flexable. We are between the two of us saving for the house we found and are hoping to be in by December.
Not much to write about at this time it really is the same thing day after day. Work, pick up the boys and play until dinner and bedtime, clean the house and other motherly duties, bed to get up at 4am to do it all over again.
I would not have it any other way :) I am deeply and truly blessed that I am only seperated from my soul mate by 450 miles and not eternity. My children are healthy and so am I. We will get through this test with flying colors and live the rest of our lives together in each other's arms where we belong.
We are on month number two waiting to hear back from Bell Helicopter on a possible interview and job. they are still screening my resume to find the best fitting position so no news is a good sign so far. My love and I are saying our prayers that our plans work out but remaining flexable. We are between the two of us saving for the house we found and are hoping to be in by December.
Not much to write about at this time it really is the same thing day after day. Work, pick up the boys and play until dinner and bedtime, clean the house and other motherly duties, bed to get up at 4am to do it all over again.
I would not have it any other way :) I am deeply and truly blessed that I am only seperated from my soul mate by 450 miles and not eternity. My children are healthy and so am I. We will get through this test with flying colors and live the rest of our lives together in each other's arms where we belong.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Weekends
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
this and that
I have been going through pictures lately with the move to Texas hopefully coming soon. Grayson might be tiny but he has figured out the Jonny Jump up and his play center.
He has discovered his voice this week and is not shy about using it. Even a few screams escaped to his big brother's dismay, he made sure to tell Grayson screaming is not allowed in our house, lol. It was so cute and watching those two together changes any bad day or sour mood I am in instantly. They get along so well, Connor is gentle and sensitive with Grayson, always worried when he cries and tries to make sure he is comfortable and happy. Connor will be a great boyfriend, husband and father one day in the far off future lol.
Monday, July 26, 2010
long time
It has been quiet some time since I have had time to record any thoughts here. Grayson is nearly four months now and Connor is five and a half. Next month Connor starts all day Kindergarden at Adams, Grayson is starting to cut teeth already. I am back finally with the love of my life, the man who completes me. We have a past that seperated us for a little while but we are fighting hard to make things right and be where we want to be. Which means for me and the boys a move to Texas that should have happened over a year ago when he first asked us to. But should have's are lies we tell ourselves to feel better about decisions we made in our past. Anyway, I am close to a new job in Amarillo and the move should happen before winter.
Lately I have been struggling with the whole comparing my children to others. Grayson is so tiny and not able to fit in his exercise center like others his age. Connor is doing well and so ready for school and football, he is the most excited to move and have a daddy as he alreadys calls him. Grayson's peditrician is not concerned about his size, I made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding and switched to formula to help him gain some much needed weight and length. But he is still only 10-11 pounds and 22 inches, size one diapers are big on him and 0-3 clothes are as well. I feel like he is behind and I feel like it is my fault, terrible I know.
But otherwise we are doing well, keeping busy with work and going to the gym. I after two children have a body I worked so hard for before having them. lol. Life is good and I am staying positive about what the future holds for us. A great adventure is ahead of us that shows promise.
Lately I have been struggling with the whole comparing my children to others. Grayson is so tiny and not able to fit in his exercise center like others his age. Connor is doing well and so ready for school and football, he is the most excited to move and have a daddy as he alreadys calls him. Grayson's peditrician is not concerned about his size, I made the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding and switched to formula to help him gain some much needed weight and length. But he is still only 10-11 pounds and 22 inches, size one diapers are big on him and 0-3 clothes are as well. I feel like he is behind and I feel like it is my fault, terrible I know.
But otherwise we are doing well, keeping busy with work and going to the gym. I after two children have a body I worked so hard for before having them. lol. Life is good and I am staying positive about what the future holds for us. A great adventure is ahead of us that shows promise.
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