April 20-Sunday 26

Last week was about the busiest week we have had in a long time. Everyday we seemed to have something to do after work. Monday we went to my parents house for dinner then Connor and Bubbe went to a puppet show at Derby High School while I went to work out. Tuesday was dinner with a friend of mine to celebrate my birthday and a stop at the mall. Wednesday was the big 29 birthday and family dinner at Texas Road House. Thursday was a play date with my good friend from high school and her little boy not much younger then Connor. We had great adult, mother to mother and woman to woman talk. We both needed that time! Friday I had my son's sister spend the night and a new friend came over early Saturday morning. We had a great time talking until eight in the morning. Saturday was soccer and Connor's Cousin's birthday BBQ. Later that evening my friend came over again and spent Saturday night with me. He even convinced me into going bowling with him. SO we went cosmic bowling and I totally suprised myself! I haven't picked up a ball in four years or so, I was competitive in my bowling and hadn't bowled for fun. I had a great time with KJ and he made me relax and just have fun. I rolled a 168, 213, 211, 154, and 183...crazy awesome time...a great way to celebrate my birthday. Totally not the way I expected to celebrate the big 29, but I loved it.

Hopefully there is something there with KJ, we have a lot in common and understand one another on a level that no one has ever gotten me before. I don't have to explain my situation with my baby daddy because he has the same situation with his baby mama.

Sunday was another fun filled day the end the week I took Connor fishing for the first time with a friend of mine Ryan. We caught a few twigs and had more fun getting the worms. Below are a few soccer pictures and the fishing trip pictures...totally forgot my camera so we only had the phone camera to use but they came out not so bad.

Ready to be me

Since childhood I always felt like I wasn't quiet good enough for anything good that came my way or that I worked hard for. That is finally gone. Since I became a mother I have realized a strength in me that I never allowed to shine, I have accomplished things I never imagined possible. Until now I have not allowed myself to see, accept or pat my self on the back for all that I have truly accomplished and who I have grown to be. I am truly one kick ass chick in every aspect of the word. I have come to realize that those men who have come and gone through my life only deposited small truths in my soul. I use to think it was that there was something wrong with me that made them leave and in the end there is blame on both people shoulders to bare the end of a relationship but it also means it wasn't me who had the problems it was them and recently I have realized no matter how much I like the guy and can see a future with him it isn't me who didn't quiet measure up it was him. I am a smart woman who is doing great at work, who has made herself invaluable to the manager and director she works for, who accomplished all objectives set forth for her in a timely manner and usually way before deadlines. I am focused and driven to always put my best foot forward, always challanging myself to find better ways to do what I do. If I impress myself then I know others will be in awe because of how critical I am of my work. My social life is balanced with being a single mother of a beautiful son who is my world. I work hard to have a reasonably decent body and am proud of my womanly figure and accept that I will never be a super model or a model for that matter nor do I want that it is more difficult then some might realize. I strive to keep an open mind and give everyone a chance once. I love to smile and laugh, my favoriate part of my body are my eyes. I am a sports nut and am always at home in a sports bar. I like to keep my son active and living healthy, supporting him in everything he tries and encourage him in everything he doesn't excel at. I love my life and the lack of a man in it doesn't lessen the feeling of success I feel. I have learned a relationship doesn't cement your worth as a woman only you can do that. Having a man and a relationship means another thing to balance, nature and cultivate. My focus use to be on getting a man until I realized how much of an incredable woman I already am and trust the right man will come into my life at the right time if I am open and ready to receive him. So you have now met the real true me, I have unzipped the costume that was protecting the precious golden me. If you like it great, if not that is not my problem!

Easter/Passover

Sunday was a busy day for Connor and myself. We started the day at my parents house helping Eryn go through her boxes of stuff getting ready for her hopeful move to Kansas City. After lunch we headed home to get a few chores done and a nap in for Connor. After being home for a matter of half an hour we received a call that it was time to get to The Jenkins' house for Easter Egg Hunt...we spent the rest of the afternoon with the Jenkins enjoying the soul food and a movie we headed to my parents house for a passover Sader (last supper). A second big meal with more great food. It made for a long day and evening, by the time we got home with all the leftovers both of us crashed and were out cold quickly.
This exposing connor to both religions is more difficult then I expected but I am doing it for him and that is what is important. He loved his Sunday and to watch him have fun with his sister and cousins was heartwarming and then his interaction with my family is comforting.

New Found Confidence

Life has been busy lately with work and family. I did something last Saturday that I never thought I would do. But some background first, I have a close friend who is a great photographer, published and all. We have known eachother for about seven years now and ever since the first time we met he has wanted me in front of his camera. I have always thought he was crazy!

See I have always been so self-conscience about how I look and NEVER have liked how I look in pictures. For seven or so years now I have been asked to do a photo shoot and I always said no that I wasn't happy with how my body looked that when I was more happy with it I would do the pictures. It became new years resolutions and never happened.

Not that I am any more pleased with my body now then before its that I am more accepting of myself and my body now. I love it for all that I am and all it has become. This body brought a healthy baby boy into this world and sustained it for the first six months of life. I finally gave in and when it was suggested again to do the shoot. I could not believe I was going through with it but I was determined to show myself I could do it since I have conquered so many other fears pictures should be a piece of cake.

In the end I had a blast and realized it isn't easy or comfortable to be infront of the camera. But promised to do a few more shoots before I decide it isn't for me. So below are the three great shots we got, the photographer said that many first timers don't even get one picture that is presentable. So I feel great about it and the new found confidence is wearing quiet nicely. I can already tell how it has carried into other aspects of my life and I am in love with it.